Unplug your phones, send the kids to bed and lock your crazy Aunt Mable in the basement because you're going to spend the next hour listening to the hottest new podcast on the web; "I hate/love remakes".
In their debut episode, Noel and Evie [With special guest Dayna] discuss the Hitchcock classic "Psycho" and the 1998 Gus Van Sant remake.
You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll want to take up taxidermy.
I want to give a special shout out to Dana Miller for her fantastic illustration. Check her out here.
Monday, January 03, 2011
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Podcast News
Until recently I though Podcast was a Polish surname. Turns out it's sort of like a radio show, but on the Internet. I don't know how it works really. Some combination of gremlins and dark wizardry I suppose.
Anyway, I just wanted to take a few seconds to give everyone a heads up on a new podcast debuting in the next few weeks. It's called "I hate/love remakes". As you can probably guess from the title, they discuss all things My Little Pony. No, actually they debate the pros and cons of Hollywood's ongoing fascination with remaking films.
So book mark their site and keep checking back over the next few weeks. I absolutely believe that you'll enjoy it and that it'll be worth your time.
UPDATE!
Their preview episode is now up for your enjoyment. Check it out for a taste of things to come.
Come on, you know you want to. They have pie.
Anyway, I just wanted to take a few seconds to give everyone a heads up on a new podcast debuting in the next few weeks. It's called "I hate/love remakes". As you can probably guess from the title, they discuss all things My Little Pony. No, actually they debate the pros and cons of Hollywood's ongoing fascination with remaking films.
So book mark their site and keep checking back over the next few weeks. I absolutely believe that you'll enjoy it and that it'll be worth your time.
UPDATE!
Their preview episode is now up for your enjoyment. Check it out for a taste of things to come.
Come on, you know you want to. They have pie.
Friday, October 22, 2010
The sinister world of children's board games: Part 1
Sure, nothing seems more wholesome than a children's board game... until you dig a little deeper...
Hungry, Hungry Hippos
"Hungry, Hungry Hippos" teaches your child to embrace gluttony while at the same time diminishing their well earned fear of hippopotamuses by turning them into pastel colored cartoon characters.
The brain trust over Milton Bradley tried several concepts before deciding on HHH, including "Tickly, Tickly Tarantulas", "Rascally, Rascally Rattlesnakes" and "Cuddly, Cuddly Crack Bums".
Chutes and Ladders
Chutes and Ladders attempts to teach kids that actions have consequences. If you do something "Good", you climb the ladder toward a reward. If you do something "Bad", you slide down the chute to a punishment. To be honest whatever the outcome I'd rather slide down a chute than climb a ladder any day.
Let's take a look at some examples from the game shall we?
Click here to see the board
Square 9 and 31: If you mow the lawn Suzie will let you take her to the circus. Providing you pay and agree not to sit with her.
Square 21 and 42: If you take Sally a gift the two of you will begin a short-lived lesbian relationship.
Square 36 and 44: If you eat a slice of white bread you will end up posing in your underwear for your creepy Uncle Danny.
Square 64 and 60: If you pull Flossie's pigtails and scream "Who's your Daddy?" someone will cut off your Mother's arm and attach it to yours... forever.
Square 98 and 78: If you try to sodomize your cat you will be forced to do Jack Benny impressions for it's amusement.
Operation
Apparently the goal of this game is to teach kids to perform invasive surgery on uninsured alchoholic Moe Howard impersonators who happen to be eunichs.
Crocodile Dentist
This 1991 Milton Bradley release takes the interaction with dangerous animals of "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" and the reckless amateur surgery of "Operation" and mashes them together. Here the goal is for kids to try and extract teeth from a crocodile. There's a good idea. Second only to teaching kids to steal containers of Häagen-Dazs from Kirstie Alley.
Hungry, Hungry Hippos
"Hungry, Hungry Hippos" teaches your child to embrace gluttony while at the same time diminishing their well earned fear of hippopotamuses by turning them into pastel colored cartoon characters.
The brain trust over Milton Bradley tried several concepts before deciding on HHH, including "Tickly, Tickly Tarantulas", "Rascally, Rascally Rattlesnakes" and "Cuddly, Cuddly Crack Bums".
Chutes and Ladders
Chutes and Ladders attempts to teach kids that actions have consequences. If you do something "Good", you climb the ladder toward a reward. If you do something "Bad", you slide down the chute to a punishment. To be honest whatever the outcome I'd rather slide down a chute than climb a ladder any day.
Let's take a look at some examples from the game shall we?
Click here to see the board
Square 9 and 31: If you mow the lawn Suzie will let you take her to the circus. Providing you pay and agree not to sit with her.
Square 21 and 42: If you take Sally a gift the two of you will begin a short-lived lesbian relationship.
Square 36 and 44: If you eat a slice of white bread you will end up posing in your underwear for your creepy Uncle Danny.
Square 64 and 60: If you pull Flossie's pigtails and scream "Who's your Daddy?" someone will cut off your Mother's arm and attach it to yours... forever.
Square 98 and 78: If you try to sodomize your cat you will be forced to do Jack Benny impressions for it's amusement.
Operation
Apparently the goal of this game is to teach kids to perform invasive surgery on uninsured alchoholic Moe Howard impersonators who happen to be eunichs.
Crocodile Dentist
This 1991 Milton Bradley release takes the interaction with dangerous animals of "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" and the reckless amateur surgery of "Operation" and mashes them together. Here the goal is for kids to try and extract teeth from a crocodile. There's a good idea. Second only to teaching kids to steal containers of Häagen-Dazs from Kirstie Alley.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Willard and Simpkin: Glory denied
"Ready Willard and Simpkin on cats 3 and 4." - The bald dude who played the principle from "Back to the future"
You've probably never heard of Willard and Simpkin. Few have. You see, while Maverick and Iceman were in the Danger Zone with masked Russians trying to ram missiles up their tails, Willard and Simpkin were grounded thanks to a pair of broken catapults.
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They were this close to glory. This fuckin' close, only to be denied by faulty equipment. It's like being on the verge of fucking Megan Fox only to have your limp dick look up at you and shake his head as if to say "No" .
There would be no cheering crowds for Willard and Simpkin. No jocular back slapping. No thinly veiled homo-erotic beach volley ball. No in her prime, pre-sapphic Kelly McGillis. No Kenny Loggins... well, maybe the post-80's hippie Kenny Loggins who lives in the forest and butt fucks beavers, but that makes their fate even more sad.
You've probably never heard of Willard and Simpkin. Few have. You see, while Maverick and Iceman were in the Danger Zone with masked Russians trying to ram missiles up their tails, Willard and Simpkin were grounded thanks to a pair of broken catapults.
-
They were this close to glory. This fuckin' close, only to be denied by faulty equipment. It's like being on the verge of fucking Megan Fox only to have your limp dick look up at you and shake his head as if to say "No" .
There would be no cheering crowds for Willard and Simpkin. No jocular back slapping. No thinly veiled homo-erotic beach volley ball. No in her prime, pre-sapphic Kelly McGillis. No Kenny Loggins... well, maybe the post-80's hippie Kenny Loggins who lives in the forest and butt fucks beavers, but that makes their fate even more sad.
Friday, September 03, 2010
Oscar Goldman: Man of (in)action
Action figure. Action figure. The very name evokes images of badassery. Imaginary real-fake men who are as hard and tough as the plastic they're made of. Real American heroes made in China. Men like G.I. Joe, Han Solo, He-Man, Oscar Goldman... Wait, Oscar Goldman?
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Yep, that Oscar Goldman. The Six Million Dollar man's boss. Because nothing screams "Action!" like a sedentary middle aged white guy with a bad rug.
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Maybe I'm being too hard on this figure. Let's let Kenner make their sales pitch.
-
[Actual text from the back of the box]
-
"This newest action figure is Oscar Goldman, the O.S.I. Chief. Oscar Goldman has a very special briefcase. If opened correctly, the briefcase contains secret files, radio headset and video scanner. However, if the enemy opens the briefcase, it "explodes"! Oscar Goldman comes dressed in checkered sports coat, slacks, turtleneck and shoes."
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Yeah fuck camouflage, what kids really want is a guy dressed like a Goodwill mannequin.
-
If Kenner were more truthful his bio would've read something like this...
-
"We're trying to suck every last penny out of your parents, so we present to you this totally unnecessary action figure! Oscar Goldman comes complete with a large briefcase that he uses to hide his collection of illegal black market animal pornography, a two pack a day smoking habit and an enlarged prostate."
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What did they even expect you to do with this guy, give Steve Austin a hard time?
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"You bionic bastard, go get that Bigfoot quick sharp or I'll ship your ass to Timbuktu. And get me some more fuckin' gin!"
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Quite frankly you'd have been better off giving him to your kid sister to use as Barbie's sugar daddy, Ted; a billboard advertising salesman with a wife and two kids who feels a sense of heavy shame about his philandering ways but never the less can't seem to end his relationship with the bodacious blonde bombshell nor his $500 a day coke habit.
-
Yep, that Oscar Goldman. The Six Million Dollar man's boss. Because nothing screams "Action!" like a sedentary middle aged white guy with a bad rug.
-
Maybe I'm being too hard on this figure. Let's let Kenner make their sales pitch.
-
[Actual text from the back of the box]
-
"This newest action figure is Oscar Goldman, the O.S.I. Chief. Oscar Goldman has a very special briefcase. If opened correctly, the briefcase contains secret files, radio headset and video scanner. However, if the enemy opens the briefcase, it "explodes"! Oscar Goldman comes dressed in checkered sports coat, slacks, turtleneck and shoes."
-
Yeah fuck camouflage, what kids really want is a guy dressed like a Goodwill mannequin.
-
If Kenner were more truthful his bio would've read something like this...
-
"We're trying to suck every last penny out of your parents, so we present to you this totally unnecessary action figure! Oscar Goldman comes complete with a large briefcase that he uses to hide his collection of illegal black market animal pornography, a two pack a day smoking habit and an enlarged prostate."
-
What did they even expect you to do with this guy, give Steve Austin a hard time?
-
"You bionic bastard, go get that Bigfoot quick sharp or I'll ship your ass to Timbuktu. And get me some more fuckin' gin!"
-
Quite frankly you'd have been better off giving him to your kid sister to use as Barbie's sugar daddy, Ted; a billboard advertising salesman with a wife and two kids who feels a sense of heavy shame about his philandering ways but never the less can't seem to end his relationship with the bodacious blonde bombshell nor his $500 a day coke habit.
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