8-bit Tecmo Commissioner vows to “Get tough”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - While the actual Roger Goodell continues to deal with player conduct issues in the “Real” National Football league his Tecmo counterpart, 8-bit Roger Goodell, has vowed to “Get tough” after a recent series of arrests involving Tecmo Super Bowl (1991, NES) players.

On June 22nd, Seattle Seahawks Punter Rick “Rootin’” Tuten was arrested for buying stolen goods and then reselling them for profit. According to police, an informant told Tuten that she “had two stolen flat screen televisions...” valued at $1,500. To which Tuten responded “I don’t know nothing about nothing.” He then instructed the woman to deliver the items to his home. Tuten paid the woman $600 for the televisions and then asked her to deliver more. He was booked and held overnight before later being released on $20,000 bond.

Just two weeks later, on July 6th, Kansas City Chiefs Defense lineman Bill “No” Maas and his twenty seven year old female companion were pulled over in Peoria, Illinois. Police searched the car and found a .22-caliber revolver, 5 grams of suspected marijuana, 6 grams of suspected cocaine and 28 pills of Ecstasy. Maas and his companion were charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession of marijuana. Maas was also booked on a charge of unlawful use of a weapon.

“The Tecmo Super bowl National football league is embarrassed (Regarding recent events),” the pixilated commissioner said in a statement released late last week “and I can assure our fans that we will deal with the situation.” After consulting with owners and 8-bit players union representative Gene Upshaw, 8-bit Goodell announced that he was suspending Tuten and Maas 8 games each. “We want to send a clear signal to our players that this kind of conduct will not be tolerated.” Tecmo training camps open starting July 26th.

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http://www.azcentral.com/sports/cardinals/articles/0708maas-ON.html

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/florida/news-article.aspx?storyid=84885