Sure, nothing seems more wholesome than a children's board game... until you dig a little deeper...
Hungry, Hungry Hippos
"Hungry, Hungry Hippos" teaches your child to embrace gluttony while at the same time diminishing their well earned fear of hippopotamuses by turning them into pastel colored cartoon characters.
The brain trust over Milton Bradley tried several concepts before deciding on HHH, including "Tickly, Tickly Tarantulas", "Rascally, Rascally Rattlesnakes" and "Cuddly, Cuddly Crack Bums".
Chutes and Ladders
Chutes and Ladders attempts to teach kids that actions have consequences. If you do something "Good", you climb the ladder toward a reward. If you do something "Bad", you slide down the chute to a punishment. To be honest whatever the outcome I'd rather slide down a chute than climb a ladder any day.
Let's take a look at some examples from the game shall we?
Click here to see the board
Square 9 and 31: If you mow the lawn Suzie will let you take her to the circus. Providing you pay and agree not to sit with her.
Square 21 and 42: If you take Sally a gift the two of you will begin a short-lived lesbian relationship.
Square 36 and 44: If you eat a slice of white bread you will end up posing in your underwear for your creepy Uncle Danny.
Square 64 and 60: If you pull Flossie's pigtails and scream "Who's your Daddy?" someone will cut off your Mother's arm and attach it to yours... forever.
Square 98 and 78: If you try to sodomize your cat you will be forced to do Jack Benny impressions for it's amusement.
Operation
Apparently the goal of this game is to teach kids to perform invasive surgery on uninsured alchoholic Moe Howard impersonators who happen to be eunichs.
Crocodile Dentist
This 1991 Milton Bradley release takes the interaction with dangerous animals of "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" and the reckless amateur surgery of "Operation" and mashes them together. Here the goal is for kids to try and extract teeth from a crocodile. There's a good idea. Second only to teaching kids to steal containers of Häagen-Dazs from Kirstie Alley.
4 comments:
Square 36 and 44: If you eat a slice of white bread you will end up posing in your underwear for your creepy Uncle Danny.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, man, this is too much.
Though I still would have been around the age to play it at the time, I don't for the life of me remember CROCODILE DENTIST. At least it's honest about the fact that when a croc's mouth shuts on you, you frickin' lose.
How about JENGA teaching us that joy comes from taking a tall, proud, solidly built structure, and intentionally degrading it until it collapses.
I stumbled on Crocodile Dentist doing research. The guy who invented it [Along with gator Golf] has the name Robert B. Führer. I kid you not.
How about JENGA teaching us that joy comes from taking a tall, proud, solidly built structure, and intentionally degrading it until it collapses.
Lol!!!
The guy who invented it [Along with gator Golf] has the name Robert B. Führer. I kid you not.
LMAO!!!
I don't know what's funnier, that name, or his obsession with gators. He really tapped into the love of a child for reptiles that could spring out and gobble them down faster than a stray wildebeest.
I wanted to thank you for this wonderful read!!
Children’s board games
Post a Comment